Sad, Emotional?

Hey me, currently I'm feeling a little down. Like hormonal. I think it's because I'm growing. Either that or school is already crawling up my neck and giving me anxiety as well as stess. Currently I'm feeling like you know that I'm unmissable. Shit I just got a bit emotional. The sia lyrics I relate to right now is 

All smiles, I know what it takes to fool this town 

I'll do it 'til the sun goes down and all through the night time 

Oh yeah, oh yeah, I'll tell you what you wanna hear 

Leave my sunglasses on while I shed a tear 

It's never the right time, yeah, yeah 

I put my armor on, show you how strong how I am 

I put my armor on. 

However I am listening to eye of the needle. Wow. My eye is hurting. 

Some person not going to name names but they're really pushing the limits of being thrown of out there own brain. 

Talking of brain I've been talking to myself in my head more than often. I mean it's not a bad thing it's not like there's more than one voice. But I have been trying to cut down. 

Also for some weird reason I have been getting the best ideas from waiting on the sideline at PE. It makes no sense but I think about the weirdest things. For example why footballers are so old looking and ugly. I mean I'm not 'hot' or 'cute' and I definitely have major body issues. It's a work in progress. 

Oh and another thing I have been getting increasingly bad at remembering names. 

I hope I do read this back and laugh. Laugh and let live I supposed. 

Hey so it's the next day and I'm still not feeling too good. I don't want to be seen, noticed, look at, thought about or have any attention. I have been feeling this way for about a week. I'm fed up of talking and thinking about me. People noticing things about me such as my hair or my weight. Even though I may think bad of people all the time most of them are. Now you can just say 'why don't you just cut your hair to have normal hair' well that's because I don't want to. I me. My hair is quite the only thing I like about me at the moment. I hate emotions. 

I posted something on my Snapchat story last night and I felt like it was selfish and nobody cares about me. Which they don't since most of the people skip through them. However I just thought what my group of friends would say 'yeah well how do you think girls feel every month'. 

I really hate it when feminists use periods as to why women should be treated higher than any other gender. It's like nobody has said 'oh I bet it doesn't hurt' or 'get on with it' I'm sure everyone has sympathised. Men don't choose not to have periods. It's like time using my hearing problem as a reason as to why i should be treated more supremely to others just because I or no one else chooses. 

Anyway here's the snap from my story. 

 

Oh and here's an updated picture of me. 

 

Yep you wouldn't want to look like me! 

Oh and another thing, I've become more jealous of other people's lives and how busy they're and places they're going or things they're buying and they all look so happy and don't even have time to feel sad. I've got too much time. I've got no money. I've got no where to go to make me busy.

If you would like to donate to me,please pay honestly because we all know charities are a lie (read my previous blogs) if you work for a charity TAKE ALL THE MONEY YOU CAN! THERE'S ALREADY A CURE FOR CANCER! HEMP OIL! Donate generously at- https://uk.gofundme.com/marky Do you want to laugh at me and my old YouTube videos? Go to www.youtube.com/binityandmarkamo Like I always say if there is a topic that you would like me to rant about when i'm tired or very emotional please do comment them below. I always do my best to spell things right. Need any help I can offer a bias opinion on any questions you have just message me on instagram - itgoesnomanomanom BYE XOX.

Cry.

Please let me feel normal by you telling me that wanting or needing to cry is a normal thing. My emotions have been all over the place the past few weeks and my hormones are just gushing around my body like when you use mouthwash.

I just need to cry. I have done every method i've done in the past and it isn't working. My emotions have just built up and if I keep on letting it carry on then I feel like i'm just going to take it out on someone. I've listened to Adele, Sia and Florence and the machine. I've came close to just balling my eyes out but my brother walked into the room.

The only great thing about the build up of all these emotions is all the film ideas i've had. Two amazing ideas, one from a dream and another from listening to music and feeling the stress and emotions.

I'm tired. I can't wait to move on with everything. I want to move out. Not because I hate my family but because I have no control on how things look or anything and that just stresses me out. I can't control room layout the organisation of things because my family just have no money. Theres just not any money for a new sofa because the cats have teared it up. All  possessions have been passed down my family and are normally broken, I had a wardrobe in my bedroom but that broke within the first day. We had a dining table and all the chairs were all ready broken and rocking.

I NEED independance. Now i'm not talking about cooking, washing or shopping. I already do all those myself. From a young me and my brother have made our own meals. Not because my Mum doesn't want to but she is a bad cook. My sister is the only other exception. She's the youngest and
has autism as well as PDA and OCD. She's a pain. Often shouting out her orders like 'I'm thirsty'.

The music I listened to whilst i'm writing this is called Madilyn Bailey. She mainly does covers, I found her from my discover weekly on Spotify.

If you would like to donate to me,please pay honestly because we all know charities are a lie (read my previous blogs) if you work for a charity TAKE ALL THE MONEY YOU CAN! THERE'S ALREADY A CURE FOR CANCER! HEMP OIL! Donate generously at- https://uk.gofundme.com/marky Do you want to laugh at me and my old YouTube videos? Go to www.youtube.com/binityandmarkamo Like I always say if there is a topic that you would like me to rant about when i'm tired or very emotional please do comment them below. I always do my best to spell things right. Need any help I can offer a bias opinion on any questions you have just message me on instagram - itgoesnomanomanom BYE XOX.

Fashion, Ya Nasty!

So I was just looking at whats in fashion for mens sunglasses this year and went on GQ which is a fashion magazine/blogger. It was burning my eyes with disgust. Just ew. One thing you have to understand with fashion is that if you put a big name on a t-shirt it's going to be worth the price of your house.

I am interested in fashion. Wouldn't want to do it as a job because I wouldn't be able to come up with extremely ugly clothes. Anyone who looks at fashion shows and looks at all the outfits and doesn't hurl their face has 1)Lying or 2)Had so much botox that they can't even feel there face let alone move any muscles.

It's ugly. Anyway back to my sunglasses, I was searching in deep and looking them mostly in amazement of how much money they're worth and how bad they look and I found one pair that I might only wear but as a joke or an impression of someone. They were still hideous though. Some do look nice though.

Ok. Question. Would you wear anything that has been showed on a run way. Like you go search it on google 'Mens (or womens) fashion show outfits 2016' and tell me, email me. Don't get me started on email.

You missed me a while back you know. If you're an avid reader of my blog meaning you read every now and then, then i'm sorry to disappoint you but I had a really down moment and kind of made me emotional and ready to rant but I didn't write a blog because it takes too long to start up my laptop. Me problems.

I don't know the age range of people who read these, but I know people do. I personally don't know people who'd read them, I have to FORCE my friends to read mine only because they're just humourous. Please i'd really like to know about you. Contact me in the form below or wherever it is, i'm not that good at navigation.

Ok so something just came to mind. What if you think that i'm not even 15, like I know I am but the fact that I write a blog. Not what a 15 year old would do. Perhaps someone who likes to talk about there food or what clothes they wear may have write one. I am extremely tired right now. My eyes are dry from seeing bad fashion and from not having much sleep for the entire day. Night. Cue the offensive outro.

If you would like to donate to me,please pay honestly because we all know charities are a lie (read my previous blogs) if you work for a charity TAKE ALL THE MONEY YOU CAN! THERE'S ALREADY A CURE FOR CANCER! HEMP OIL! Donate generously at- https://uk.gofundme.com/marky Do you want to laugh at me and my old YouTube videos? Go to www.youtube.com/binityandmarkamo Like I always say if there is a topic that you would like me to rant about when i'm tired or very emotional please do comment them below. I always do my best to spell things right. Need any help I can offer a bias opinion on any questions you have just message me on instagram - itgoesnomanomanom BYE XOX.

June Thoughts 'Shits & Best Bits'

I'm not going to lie, i'm really emotional right now. How cliche though. I just feel like balling out into balls of tears and i've so many emotions swirling around me.

I'm not going to lie this month has been pretty shit, to put it bluntly anyway. The shootings in the Orlando gay club, shooting of Christina Grimmie and how it made one of my favourite YouTubers break. The U.K could've made the worst choice in the EU referendum, i've had exams. Things just keep building up and I worry financially even though i'm 15.

Nevermind all that I need to make it better with all the good stuff, the person you should thank for me writing this blog is Adele. I've just watched her Glastonbury performance, it was amazing. I cried. I laughed. I even almost drifted to sleep to 'Make You Feel My Love' because of how calming it was. It just reminded me that although there's bad in the world you've got to look at the funny side of things.

Adele, you've made the month go from the worst to not to bad, blew me away. I really wanted to go see her live but I just didn't have the money and I don't think my family members realise how much it would've meant for me.

Shane Dawson posted a video two days ago and it contained personal times in his life but in a comedy sketch. Someone flagged his video and it was almost taken down. He talk about it on his Snapchat, how if everyone looks on the bad side of things then the whole world will essentially be all sad and it just made me think all those people out there who get 'triggered' or are 'sensitive' when people say things just have to drag people down with them. It's your life, i'm not saying I don't care but it doesn't involve me so don't spoil the fun.

Did anyone watch that Emma Blackery's video called 'If Websites Started Dating' if not heres the link, it's funny. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GCQlmyM7GkM . Anyway pay close attention to how Tumblr acts, those types of people I hate, the ones who try to get in on other peoples problems when they don't have the right perspective.

Anyway i'm turning around, doing a 3 point turn. 'Ayy stop it Mark, fingers away from the negative keys. Another positive was the fact that Orange Is The New Black released the new Season 4, guess what I watched it in one sitting. Got home from school. Sat and watched, slept. Woke. Watched. After it I texted Trinity with a tiny spoiler about ******* ********** *****. Not going to say it because that would be a spoiler.

Is it weird that somewhere in this i've swore? Not that my Mum would care about it but the fact that i've always felt hesitant to not swear in case in ruin my future and someone takes the rug from underneath me and smash bang. Oh I have a story. Don't I have a story. I've gone all old now but anyhow toodle loo. Bit weird just as I typed that my brother just slept talk saying "no, noo,no", he must be stressed or nervous about something.

Anyway I always say anyway but anyway it was Monday and after Chemistry it was what people around the world must think British weather it like but it was chucking it down and people were bringing the water into the school making the floors all wet. I was getting rushed along the corridor on my way to English and on a corner I lost traction and slipped. Right onto my lower back onto my tailbone, still hurts today (Saturday).

Oh my favourite insult of the month from Emma Blackery is 'Small-cock jobber'. Did I mention she liked my instagram photo. Me just acting all casual but I was overwhelmed with joy and happiness. Just a thought I think i'm an old soul with many past lives. Thanks for reading. I'm surprised as to how much i've typed.

If you would like to donate to me,please pay honestly because we all know charities are a lie (read my previous blogs) if you work for a charity TAKE ALL THE MONEY YOU CAN! THERE'S ALREADY A CURE FOR CANCER! HEMP OIL! Donate generously at- https://uk.gofundme.com/marky Do you want to laugh at me and my old YouTube videos? Go to www.youtube.com/binityandmarkamo Like I always say if there is a topic that you would like me to rant about when i'm tired or very emotional please do comment them below. I always do my best to spell things right. Need any help I can offer a bias opinion on any questions you have just message me on instagram - itgoesnomanomanom BYE XOX.

One Pair Of Shoes And A Hat.

This is going to be a sad rant by a extremely opinionated teenager, who has too much time to think about these things.

First off I would like to talk about hats. Now i've never really understood hats. They're fairly useless unless you're blocking the sun or shielding your head from the cold. There's two 3 types of hats that are functional. 

Number 1) The sun hat.

Now i'm not sure what their proper name is however they are functional, providing your face away from the sun. They also provide a good fitting for all faces and head shapes. 

They also are easy to design with a nice beach feel to them. 

Number 2) Beanie 

They can make any head warm in the winter, they have pure style. Don't suit all people, I don't suit one. 

Number 3) The baseball cap.

These are very practical and just look good overall. 

One pair of shoes. 

This may come as a shock to some of you but I only own 1 pair of shoes. Now I know what you must be thinking, poor? The answer is no, i've been offered to be bought many pairs of shoes but I don't want them. Now I only have 1 pair of shoes mainly because less is more really. The less stuff I have the more mental space I have. This means I don't have to think about what i'm going to wear on my feet all the time and I just look like a cool hipster that only dresses in smart-casual. 

I save loads of money as well being a teen and growing all the time that means i'd have to buy new shoes all the time but my shoes wear out sooner or later anyway. 

If you think it's crazy or weird, how about Albert Einstein who only had copies of the same outfit to feel out space in his brain for IQ so he can concentrate on better stuff.

If you would like to donate to me,please pay honestly because we all know charities are a lie (read my previous blogs) if you work for a charity TAKE ALL THE MONEY YOU CAN! THERE'S ALREADY A CURE FOR CANCER! HEMP OIL! 
Donate generously at- https://uk.gofundme.com/marky

Do you want to laugh at me and my old YouTube videos? Go to
www.youtube.com/binityandmarkamo

 Like I always say if there is a topic that you would like me to rant about when i'm tired or very emotional please do comment them below. I always do my best to spell things right. Need any help I can offer a bias opinion on any questions you have just message me on instagram - itgoesnomanomanom BYE XOX. 

Generic.

Ok so i've just been on Facebook looking through a random videos that I don't need to watch and then I stumbled across a guy named 'Frenchy'. Never heard of him before and he has 227,693 subscribers on YouTube so he isn't a well known sensation. I don't know why anyone has any interests in him.

His videos and sketches are just him using 'relatable' topics and activities and dragging it out in attempt to make a funny sketch. One of his examples is one that explains the difference between 'Guy's and Girls on Tinder'. Now for those of you who don't know what Tinder is i'm happy to explain.

Tinder is a simple application (self-contained program) that's a dating app. It's simple because you are shown a select phew photos, quick description and interests. You can swipe left and right. When you swipe left it no, right then it's a yes then you've made a match. 

Now Frenchy was making a video from whats already been done before showing the difference between men and women on the app. Firstly being very sexists and saying that all men are promiscuous and women aren't but also 'milking' out something that is not new or interesting anymore but vaguely just boring. 

Okay, so can we just talk about my incredible writing skills when on a computer, when angry. I wish I could write all these 'fancy' words in my exams. That probably won't happen because i'll be half asleep and my creativeness doesn't start till' after school. 

If you would like to donate to me,please pay honestly because we all know charities are a lie (read my previous blogs) if you work for a charity TAKE ALL THE MONEY YOU CAN! THERE'S ALREADY A CURE FOR CANCER! HEMP OIL! 
Donate generously at- https://uk.gofundme.com/marky

Do you want to laugh at me and my old YouTube videos? Go to
www.youtube.com/binityandmarkamo

 Like I always say if there is a topic that you would like me to rant about when i'm tired or very emotional please do comment them below. I always do my best to spell things right. Need any help I can offer a bias opinion on any questions you have just message me on instagram - itgoesnomanomanom BYE XOX. 

  

Minimalist.

If you have never heard of a minimalist them what YouTube videos are you watching? A minimalist for those who need to know is 'a person who advocates or practises minimalism' in other words a person who know's they need less and want less in their life. 

I would consider myself as a minimalist since the more stuff I own the more anxious I get. It just makes me want to burn everything but keep a select few objects, whereas another person may see there house on fire and want to keep everything even the useless charity bags that are posted through the letterbox.

When things build up around me, so does my brain. I'm not sure if i'm meant to be a interior designer when i'm older or if it's just the minimalist in me because in my head I have redecorated my house at least 7 times now. It has a lot of mahogany and I don't even really like brown.

Another thing about me is that I don't like a permanent fixture although I used to think I was scared of change it was the other way around. I love it. I can't stand having a piece of furniture in one place for more than six months. MOVE IT!! I change the layout of my bedroom 3 times every year. I hope I have found the perfect configuration now. 

My bedroom layout: You walk in through the door and as you look straight on thats my bed (single bed, for a single teenager) to the left is a small desk that I use as a bedside table (it wasn't meant to be) then there's a gap where my tripod is and my bin. To the left of that is a fabric blue (really nice) sofa bed. It folds out into a double-bed for if I want a friend over for a sleepover. In front of the sofa is my chest of draws where I keep my clothes (I used to have a wardrobe but i'm not very good at using it). On top is my TV with my PS3 and Xbox 360. Both with GTA5 and Minecraft because i'm not very good at sticking to storylines on other games. It makes me frustrated. 

Here's a picture of one of my previous layouts of my bedroom (bit messy.

Being a minimalist relates to my previous blog about 'mental strength' so go read that and it will give you more of an insight into my brain.

If you would like to donate to me,please pay honestly because we all know charities are a lie (read my previous blogs) if you work for a charity TAKE ALL THE MONEY YOU CAN! THERE'S ALREADY A CURE FOR CANCER! HEMP OIL! 
Donate generously at- https://uk.gofundme.com/marky

Do you want to laugh at me and my old YouTube videos? Go to
www.youtube.com/binityandmarkamo

 Like I always say if there is a topic that you would like me to rant about when i'm tired or very emotional please do comment them below. I always do my best to spell things right. Need any help I can offer a bias opinion on any questions you have just message me on instagram - itgoesnomanomanom BYE XOX.